THE DISTRAUGHT YOUNG MAN

By OMOSEYE BOLAJI

He was/ is one of the many young South African male friends I have. But upon seeing him this day my heart sank – the gentleman looked exceedingly crestfallen, melancholy and distraught. Even his voice was different! He indicated we should go to a private place to talk about something “very important.”

I took him to a quite decent place where drinks and food were sold. We sat down, and the young man suddenly said, steel in his voice: “Ntate Bolaji, I did not want you to be shocked when you hear the news. It’s sad, but I have little choice. I can’t take the pain again. I have decided to kill myself.”

I winced. I stared at the strong, fine-looking gentleman. Could it be that he had a killer disease of some sort? Why would the boy want to kill himself whilst in his mid 20’s? “I am sure that won’t be necessary,” I said. “If I won’t think of killing myself with all my health problems, why would you?”

He said: “You don’t understand. I am not sick, not that way. It’s that girlfriend of mine – the one I loved so much...the one I showed you before the last festive season. She has betrayed me! I loved her with all my heart. I made extraordinary sacrifices for her. Day and night I dreamed about her, cherished her; thought we’ll grow old together. I thought we were both religious and would only sleep together when we got married. But she has betrayed me.”

I must confess I felt relieved. So it was about a woman! I said softly: “Yes I know you worshipped the girl more or less, but surely if she has betrayed you that is no reason for even considering suicide. You are young; you have eons of good things to look forward too in future. Yes, I understand the terrible pain you are going through, but to consider suicide is not only cowardly, but childish. A man must go through these types of horrific disappointments in life; but not ever consider suicide.” I made my voice deliberately harsh because I knew he respected me a lot, and I wanted him to take his mind completely away from “suicide.”

I added: “Anyway, how did you know she betrayed you?”

The young man spoke up; excruciating anguish in his voice: “The whore not only confessed that she had been sleeping with this other guy...but she is now carrying his baby.”

I flinched. I remembered that just weeks ago he was boasting that his girlfriend was “a virgin like me” Although having met her I never believed this at the time, yet for her to be pregnant by another man was a terrible blow. But I tried not to show my shock; still looking stern as if it was “nothing much.”

But he was still talking, almost in a soliloquy now: “You know, many people warned me, Ntate. They said I was fool loving her so much, not sleeping with her, trusting her. They said so many of these modern girls are just prostitutes, just out for money. But I thought (he named her) was different! How can women be so evil and dishonest and greedy? I learnt the man she is pregnant for is quite comfortable...he already has two kids from two different women...now a third is on the way. Why do these girls worship money like this? Why are they so useless? So my pure love for her was worth nothing because I am still young and not loaded with money...”

His pain was palpable. It was now up to me to advise him. This I did, first giving him examples of two, three older people he knew who had suffered more or less the same fate in the past from their women. The boy seemed relieved that he was not the only one who had suffered emotionally etc like this. I told him, still sternly, that it was part of life to suffer debilitating blows every now and then; despite being the innocent party, or “victim. I told him he must work through the pain till after sometime nature “healed” him.

“I assure you one way or the other the woman will be punished for what she did to you by the almighty. She will be visited by great pain too in due course. It’s a law of nature. Also, it might not seem so now, but you will meet another woman you will love again, and maybe things will work out this time,” I added.

“Even though I will struggle on with life, I will never love, or trust a woman again,” he said.

I smiled. “Let us just take it step by step eh? No more thoughts of foolish suicide, eh?”

He tried a wan grin and shook hands with me. “Ntate, the world can be evil, but we must struggle on. To be honest, I never really wanted to kill myself... despite the great pain....”