THE TERMAGANT

By Omoseye Bolaji

It was clear from the beginning that I had been seated beside a female
battle axe in the plane. She looked formidable and hostile. Her first
words to me as I told her I was supposed to sit beside her were:

 "Just make sure you do not disturb my bags up in the compartment
upstairs. Put that bag of yours in a reasonable space!" She was
haughty and pugnacious from the outset.

And no sooner was I seated beside her than she began to complain about the charming air
hostesses. "These girls, women are not good. They are bad!" In my
innocence, being a mere male I had assumed that the hostesses were the
epitome of beauty, grace and good manners. But tell that to my
companion here! the virago on my left!

Then something now happened that sent something of a chill down my
spine. One of the hostesses to our left slipped and fell slightly. And
my companion muttered distinctly: "Let her goddamn leg break
completely!". 

I winced. What type of monster was I saddled with
during this flight? Now she was complaining about "immorality and bad
behaviours these days" They (i.e hostesses) must bring the food etc..."

Suddenly a thought struck me and I felt like crying. Always during
such trips I would enjoy lots of beer...but it was clear that with
this termagant beside me, she would not tolerate such things. Oh my!

Yes it was my privilege to order liquor if I so wished, I owed her
nothing etc; but these were theories. In reality I knew I could not,
with my shy nature, order any beers with this battle axe beside me.
What a dreary flight this would be.

Soon enough the pertinent hostess came to us and said to the lady beside me: "Do you care for a
drink ma'am? We have assorted soft drinks, even wine," I turned away
to hide my frustration and anguish.

The tough female passenger beside me replied: "These your wine bottles are too small...so give me TWO bottles of wine..."

Suke! I was now shaking with relief and excitement! The virago had nothing against alcohol! I grinned broadly as the hostess said to me: "And you sir...do you want some wine, or beer; or
both?"

"BOTH please!" I said, almost crying with relief. "I can start with two beers, and a bottle of wine!!"

Oh beer! I now fully realised what our great Wole Soyinka meant when he wrote about beer
being "transfigured" to exalted heights in his memoirs, You must set forth at dawn. This was after Soyinka after a horrific trip across the border (running away from Abacha regime) wanted a beer at all costs
and somewhat miraculously got it!

My companion and I both enjoyed our drinks….

THE REPROBATE

By Omoseye Bolaji

It seems I have been spending my whole life in diverse hotels for the last two weeks ago. Hotels in Bloemfontein, Johannesburg, Kempton Park, Ethiopia - and (we ll come to that a bit later on(

One of the hotels in Gauteng (we need not mention it( is etched in my mind because I met a certain Gentleman there that in my mind I dubbed a reprobate. Around 5 - 6 in the evening he would sit with me in front of the Guest House and start spewing out obscenities and embarrassing stuff, beers in tow

Terrible hotel we are in here, he would start. I always pity the female staff here. This place is Sodom and Gomorrah as it were; no wonder there is so much aids around , men and women just drive in everytime and do their thing; i like peeping inside the waste basket that side; full of used condoms, dirt pads and so many disgusting things. How do you sleep at nights? Aren t you disturbed with all the sounds of love-making going on?

No, I lied. So many good time girls around, the reprobate went on. Dozens of useless girls, though many of them are quite pretty. They frequent the rooms here lookingt for men to sleep with them. Black, coloured, white girls....if you are interested...

I winced....even in my hotel *Top Ten* later on in Addis Abba, Ethiopia I shuddered at some of these memories, the tang of the Ethiopian soap on my skin. I hoped I had had enough of hotels. Now for Lagos, Nigeria where I would bask amidst people at grassroots level. Eniyan laso mi as they say.

Then I got a message from my host in Lagos. He seemed to be excited. You know I know you have been stressed the last few weeks or so hence I have a treat for you, the message said. Once you get to Lagos I am putting you up in a hotel...

Oh no! Not a hotel again....

THE HAPLESS LADY

By Omoseye Bolaji

I entered the house through the new passage way on the left. Yes it had been quite a while since I was last here! Some four years ago. Life moves on

Yet it was a family I had a lot of respect for; comprising three matriarchs in their late 60s, and their offspring including the nieces - like Didi; who I now noticed was sitting down at a sort of dining table, a disconcerting, jarring expression on her face while the matriarchs beamed at me.

I moved closer to Didi, a bit bewildered at her haunted, languid face, and the way her right hand seemed lifeless.

"Seems Didi does not know me again," I tried to joke. Unsuccessfully. Now I noticed she was  using crutches. What was this?

"Oh" I said. "I'm sorry. Seems you have been in an accident," It was patent to me now that her right hand was largely useless.

Didi at last spoke now, and I soon realised that mentally at least she was as sharp as ever. "Not an accident, Bolaji," she said slowly and strangely. "I have had a stroke, paralysing some of my body parts".

I winced. I was so shocked that I found myself bursting out rather crazily: "How the hell can you have a stroke at 40 when your mother, your aunts (the three matriarchs referred to earlier) are as strong and active as oxes -".

"You know our Didi stresses too much" two of the matriarchs said now. "It is very sad indeed,".      

"I want to talk to Bolaji alone; explain things to him," Didi said, in effect dismissing the matriarchs.

 Alone, she now told me why and how she had become so stressed, worried about a particular debt she had, and how the creditor had hounded her till the stroke was precipitated. I was horrified to learn that the money she owed was not even up to a thousand rand! And she had suffered a stroke! Amother of two kids!

My mind went back to many years ago when I had been new in this area in South Africa; Didi personally organising, giving me things like curtains and some kitchenware for the first place where I had stayed…

But now she was saying; "If you can help me beg the Creditor...I will give you his contact details. Beg him for me, tell him I have been very sick, I lost my job...I can t pay him now...pls beg him for me..."

My voice hardened. "I am certainly NOT going to do that," I said; she looked disappointed, hurt.  

Then I said: "You see we must remove the root of your stress, the debt. So the only help I can give you is give you the money to pay that accursed creditor. So I am gonna give you the money, or most of it in cash,"

She stared at me, incredulous. "No, but - I know you are not rich -"

"Don't worry about that. The important thing is for you to pay the guy, start getting better fast for the sake of your kids...and that's an order. I am giving you the money in return for you to recover quickly!!".

I gave her in cash most of the money she owed the "creditor". As tears came to her eyes, I looked away, feeling bad at the cruel vicissitudes of life...

GLORIOUS EAGLETS POISED TO CELEBRATE AGAIN

By OMOSEYE BOLAJI

Tens of millions of Africans, especially Nigerians have been celebrating as the Under 17 national football team, the Eaglets have taken the world by storm during the current Under 17 World Cup finals; this week the Eaglets swept into the very final with panache, swatting aside an adept Swedish team in the semi finals 3-0.

Cue widespread celebrations all over the nation; the young ones have indeed been doing the country and Africa proud and are poised to meet Mexico in the final – with the Eaglets definitely favourites to win – a victory in the very final, and unbridled joy would sweep through the country….

Yet a very large part of the footballing world would be forgiven to think what the fuss is all about. It might seem shocking to realize that even among ardent football followers most of them just do not care about the under 17 World Cup; most of the excitement alas is concentrated in Nigeria! Certainly in South Africa hardly any of the teeming football lovers are aware of the current feats of the Eaglets.

Yes, this would surprise many especially Nigerians who for decades have always loved the exploits of the Eaglets who (before this current final) had won this particular World Cup at least three times. Those of us who are “old codgers” remember all too well the incredible glee in 1985 when Nigeria won the maiden edition of the international competition. The likes of Nduka Ugbade (then peerless Captain of the team) became legends (see pix above). Extraordinary laurels were bestowed on the victorious kids at the time.

It was more or less the same in 1993 when the then Eaglets, inspired by the gangling Kanu Nwankwo brilliantly won the Under 17 Cup again. Great happiness swept the land, and Nwankwo in particular at least went onto have a wonderful career as a brilliant footballer all over the world. For decades Nigerians have always followed the progress of its Under 17 and Under 20 or even 21 squads. It is still the same….

Yet the western world considers such tournaments as very small beer indeed, hardly even bothering to send decent squads to such events. The parent clubs often frown at the idea of their key players starring at such tournaments and look for excuses for such starlets to withdraw – in the end a second string squad would “grace” such tournaments, a team barely recognizable to pertinent  football followers!

Why are these “big” footballing nations sceptical of such global tournaments for the kids; why would they not relish the opportunities for their starlets to garner even more exposure? Suffice it to say that these exalted clubs care only about themselves really, and do not want the possibility of such players being injured…and of course apart from the lofty national football leagues in countries like Germany, Spain, England, Italy, there is also a lot of concentration on the European Champions League for clubs; hence the tournaments for the youngsters become something of a nuisance and irritation on such shores.

In fairness to South America, they often take the age-competitions quite seriously, and it is no surprise that the world is soon alerted to extraordinary talents from Brazil, Argentina, Colombia, Uruguay etc thanks to the Under 20, or Under 17 tournaments. Argentina for example showcased the skills of Diego Maradona, Lionel Messi, Sergio Aguerro from such early age grade competitions. In Africa this is also often the case; especially in Ghana which is famous for unearthing and encouraging talented kids from a very young age. The 6-1 thrashing of Egypt (by the Ghana national team) in the latest World Cup qualifiers is recent proof that the Ghanaians certainly have their eye on the ball as it were.

As Africans we can state that we believe unequivocally in the efficacy of tournaments like the Under 17 and the under 20 World Cup finals. More than that, we relish and bask at such occasions. Nigeria, Ghana, Cameroon etc have traditionally done well at such events. And right now Nigeria is expected to win the latest edition of the under 17 World Cup final this Friday. The boys have been doing very well with their cascade of fine football garnished with a plethora of goals. We wish them all the best as they face Mexico in the final…

ALEX FERGUSON'S NEW BOOK

By Omoseye Bolaji

To the delectation of thousands of readers, Sir Alex Ferguson - revered erstwhile supremo of Manchester UTD FC - has just released his latest autobiography. The event once again highlights the yawning chasm between the western world and Africa, re the genre of the written, published word.

The palpable euphoria, the fulsome excitement and ambience even before the book was released is a story in itself. But what else can one expect in an “enlightened" society where some newspapers over yonder actually sell in MILLIONS? - hence to put it as mildly as possible, here is a veritably literate society indeed.  

It has been reported that the initial print run of Ferguson's book is 100 000 copies, expected to be sold out soon, with reprints guaranteed. Small beer compared to sales of Harry Potter books perhaps, but these are scenarios the literary scene in Africa can only envy in quintessential manner.

The interesting thing is the way the western world generated transcendent interest in Sir Ferguson's book even before it came out. In their countless dozens of newspapers, magazines, websites, blogs etc the anticipation over the book was generated, reaching a peak just before the book was published this week.

There were even countless perceptive reviews before the book came out; provocative presumptions and assumptions about probable "acerbic" comments. What would the great man, Fergie, write about the likes of David Beckham, Arsene Wenger, Roy Keane, Rooney, Ronaldo, etc? All these ingredients added to the frenzy.

And the perspicacious media provided even more fillip, whetting even more appetites with excerpts and reviews from the book just before its release. The emphasis of course was on the more explosive, controversial aspect of the work, the "pungent attacks" on the likes of Keane, Beckham, and more mildly on Arsene Wenger. So why would the book not fly off the shelves?

And don't forget to add into the tantalising mix the reactions of those "attacked" by Fergie in the book. It is still early doors, but even before the book was formally released this week Roy Keane has already ventilated his chagrin; to the effect that Fergie should not have written negative things about those who did the hard job on the field of play for years - ensuring the author's greatness as Coach and leader.

Perhaps. But the point here is how the wheels of the western publishing
world is well galvanised and oiled; a true publishing, sports and literary repast. If only the same operated here in Africa! Alas, the general picture is that of despondency and even hints of something of a doomsday scenario as more and more major booksellers close down.

One does not want to paint a bleak picture, but how many of us are reading? Are we aware of new, genuine African books being churned out, meagre though the number is? This year alone I felt like weeping, reading comments from two great (elderly) Nigerian writers, who confessed that even if they heard about any new books, they probably cannot afford to buy such books anyway!    

As I pondered tens of thousands of people buying Alex Ferguson's book - which is just a football book, not literature - I mused over the general pathetic situation in this wise in Africa. Why can't we take pride in building our own private libraries at home, and regularly stocking them with (new) books? But I must still praise those few Africans I know who relish books, and buy new titles on a regular basis – like Mpikeleni Duma, R Mokoena, K Dintlhoane (The Bibliophile)...  

The great thing is that the good libraries often manage to grab hold of new books and stock them; one would necessarily expect libraries in Africa to buy and stock virtually all titles penned by African writers. After all, during our times now, it would be an insult to espy countless recent books published by famous writers from the Eurocentric world easily available in our libraries; whilst it might be onerous to come across books written by our own writers...

But it is a safe bet to assume that the latest Ferguson book will soon be available from most libraries all over the world...

COMPLACENCY CAN BE A BUGBEAR

By Omoseye Bolaji

The crunch final World Cup qualifying games in Africa kicked off throughout the continent over the weekend. Naturally enough, tens of millions of Nigerians looked forward with relish to the first leg of the games with Ethiopia, including in South Africa here.

Ethiopia had done very well indeed to get to this final stage of qualification, one must say. And they are such a lovable, genial breed of people, so law-abiding and essentially decent. In South Africa they exhibit their love for business and amity within each other every time – you see them at the helm of sundry businesses like salons,eateries, and internet centres.

Many South African men often praise the beauty and “nobility” of Ethiopian (or sometimes Eritrean; their east African neighbours’) women. This was especially so during that last Africa Cup of Nations finals hosted earlier this year by SA where glimpses of the pulchritude of such women could be seen in the media intermittently. But I have been used to seeing their women for years, so there is no novelty for moi!

Yes, Ethiopia had done magnificently to get to this final stage but to expect to defeat Nigeria, would to most pundits be over-stretching expectations; yet as we have seen over the decades nothing is impossible in football really. Naturally I wanted the Super Eagles (Nigeria) to win but I still had a lot of sympathy for the Ethiopians.

Such was the fervour, enthusiasm and expectations of the Ethiopians over the game (the first leg in their country) that one could not but have a lot of empathy for them, especially as I have so many good Ethiopian friends in South Africa. It is a pity there has to always be a victor in such mammoth competitions though…

Yet even many South Africans believed that Ethiopia could pull off an upset against Nigeria, at least in the first leg in their country. After all, Ethiopia had acquitted themselves well during the Nations Cup finals in SA earlier in the year (which the Eagles incidentally won). But what a game they had given Nigeria in the very first round, when again many felt the Eagles would win rather easily.

How well I remember that game – it was in no way easy for Nigeria. In fact late on in the match it was clear that any of the teams could actually win it – until Victor Moses won two penalties and converted them. But Ethiopia had made a very fine impression and nobody was underestimating them again.

Certainly not South Africa who were painfully denied the possibility of going to next year’s World Cup finals because of the same Ethiopia. It seemed almost unreal, quite surreal when Bafana Bafana could not win their vital home tie against Ethiopia…but the word “surreal” was accentuated in the crunch tie far away in Ethiopia when SA lost 2-1. Not really because Bafana lost, but because the winning goal of Ethiopia was actually an own goal scored by the normally reliable SA striker, Bernard Parker!

Yet South Africa would be reprieved thanks to a technicality, and there was still a chance of progressing ahead of Ethiopia; but the latter, showing how strong they are these days travelled to CAF and somehow won. So this put paid to Bafana Bafana’s prospects and Ethiopia consolidated their new found respect internationally. 

Yes, Nigerians, we know traditionally would still find it difficult to be in awe of Ethiopia. After all for about fifty years Ethiopia had not pulled up any trees in African football, not even in the Cup of Nations finals for decades! Yet the history book tells us that Ethiopia won the Africa Cup in 1962, something most people around today would know nothing about. Anyway, the simple truth was that this was easily the strongest Ethiopian side ever in decades… and they were bent on going to the World Cup for the first time! Then again there was also the small matter of the thin air that affected visitors playing in their country (Ethiopia)

In the event, Nigeria won the first leg of the World Cup tie against Ethiopia 2-1, despite conceding the first goal of the match in almost bizarre fashion. Then Emmanuel Emenike, never short of confidence and unbridled determination these days, went on to score two goals for the Eagles, the second a very late penalty.

Yet this does not mean that Ethiopia would easily be rolled over during the second leg in Calabar (Nigeria) The Eagles, having won the first leg away are overwhelming favourites, but there should be no room for complacency. Anything can happen in football. For example, some months ago Arsenal (England) lost 2-0 AT HOME to Bayern Munich, but incredibly travelled to Germany and won 2-0 too! A word is enough for the wise…suke…

* Pic above: Emmanuel Emeneke who bagged a brace against Ethiopia

AN ILLUMINATING WORKSHOP

By Omoseye Bolaji

This weekend I was one of the facilitators at a workshop on “Novels, short-story writing” et al” in South Africa, orchestrated by Arts Amuse, which has the redoubtable lady, Rita Chihawa (below) as supremo.

It was an interesting occasion that brought together a number of intriguing wordsmiths, poets and literary protagonists. They included Charmaine Kolwane, a sterling facilitator herself; the ebullient Flaxman Qoopane who was in his element at the event; Ntate P Moiloa, scion of the legendary author J.J Moiloa who is also father of female poet, Pulane; and the incredibly prolific author, Kgang Abel Motheane. 

Also present were published authors like Matshidiso Taleng, Hector Kunene; and the ever-bubbly “Dr Kool”.

We were able to introduce the world of imaginative fiction – novels, novellas, short stories etc – to participants, established, burgeoning, or budding. As the event unfolded, we were able to latch onto the life and times, works, legacy of a myriad of authors, Eurocentric and African.

For me the most impressive and revelatory aspect was the “practical class” wherefore most of the participants had to concoct and write an imaginative piece – each. A few of such impromptu submissions were outstanding. I actually urged the organisers, especially Mme Rita herself, to ensure that these submissions were sooner, rather than later published in book form. After all, the history of creative writing even in Africa, has shown how such gems were discovered at such workshops (eg the Great NGUGI from the early literary conference on African writing orchestrated in the early 60s)

Charmaine and I also prepared a short Introduction to the genre of novels...excerpts here:

Fiction has always been a popular genre of literature all over the world, the most famous novelists naturally come from the Western, Eurocentric world where this form of writing started less than  300 years ago (one of the earliest novelists being Daniel Defoe). The most famous novelist over the century is probably Englishman Charles Dickens who lived in the first part of the 19^th century. Other very famous novelists from England in those days include Thomas Hardy, George Orwell and George Elliot; and the Bronte Sisters i.e Emily Bronte and Charlotte Bronte. Around the same time when America was finding its feet as a new country, it began to produce its own writers; great novelists too like Herman Melville, Mark Twain, John Updike. Other famous novelists from the Western World who are not from England or America include Emily Zola from France, Chekov from Old Russia and Thomas Mann from German.

The Novel came to Africa mainly in the beginning of the second part of the 20^thcentury; but before then there were a few great African novelists, for example Thomas Mofolo who wrote the famous Chaka  about a 100 years ago, Sol Plaatjie’s Mhudi  came out in the 1930s and Peter Abrahams who published his first English  novels in early 1940s.

It was in the 50s that the world began to really celebrate African fiction mainly because of Chinua Achebe‘s Things fall apart 1958. The book is by far the most best-selling ever written by an African. But around the same time Camara Laye From Guinea also stunned the world with his fantastic novels written in French language; by the time these novels were translated into English (eg The radiance of the king) the literary world became aware of the awesome, fantastic talent coming from African Black Novelists. 

Other great African novelists who were to emerge over the decades  include Es’kia Mphahlele from South Africa, Cyprian Ekwensi, Chukuemeka Ike from Nigeria, Ayi Kwei Armah from Ghana, and world class Ngugi wa Thiong’o from Kenya . In recent times other great novelists have emerged in Africa like Ben Okri, Tsitsi Dangarembga, Zakes Mda, Yvonne Vera, Njabulo Ndebele, Naguib Mahfouz from Egypt.

Focusing specifically on South Africa over the decades it is clear that the country has contributed prodigiously to fiction writing in Africa, the women in particular have been outstanding. Mama Mirriam Tladi was the first black woman to publish an English novel, soon followed by Lauretta Ngcobo. And highly talented Sindiwe Magona. In recent times young female novelists like Angela Makholwa and Futhi Ntshingila continue to hoist the flag  of fiction writing among the younger generation.

This workshop will go into more details of the niceties between the novel and the short story writing in general. But let us state briefly here that many fine writers of longer fiction (novels) are also good writers of short stories. This is obvious when we examine novelists like Achebe, Ngugi, and Armah...

Again, for examples, Mme Sindiwe Magona, Gomolemo Mokae, Mr Bolaji from Nigeria have excelled both in novel writing and short story writing.

On the surface one might believe it is easier to write shorter fiction, but over the decades the literary experts and pundits have pointed out that in actual fact the short story is the most difficult to write, and needs special technique, format and discipline...

A HARVEST OF BOOKS

I got a very flattering letter this week from Mr Ishmael Soqaga, a South African writer, essayist, literary critic and Pan-Africanist. With his kind permission his letter is reproduced here:

Dear Omoseye Bolaji,

With the release of your book on poetry this week, I could not believe my eyes and I was filled with so much happiness for you. I am sure it has occurred to you that in respect of new books celebrating your works being churned out, this has been a most wonderful year for you. At this stage of your writing career, to have so many successful books out whilst the year still has three months to go is a tremendous achievement.

It must be a thrill for you to be witnessing all this whilst still alive. I think of outstanding African writers like Bessie Head, Dambudzo Marechera and Ingrid Jonker who died whilst relatively young. They are now acknowledged as great writers but this was only many years after their death. In your own case we are always hearing that you are “finished”, very sick” - but great literary things keep on happening to you.

I recollect that I was very happy early this year when you published a new book titled It Couldn’t Matter Less. This is a book I treasure very much, which I always turn to read every now and then, even if it is only a few chapters. It seems to get better every time I 

read parts of it. It really is a mature work of vignettes.

Mid this year I remember your shock and horror when you learnt that your childhood friend, Kunle Apantaku had died prematurely! You and Kunle used to write from your early days and it is no surprise his demise hit you very badly. Yet you turned this tragedy into something of a triumph by writing the book, KUNLE APANTAKU, a brilliant work that I believe everybody who loves African and international literature should read. It is also in my personal library.

Skhokho, I know you were delighted when the fantastic study book on you, BOLAJI IN HIS POMP was finally released a few weeks ago. The author, Ntate Pule Lechesa has really done a great job in the book; I can not even imagine how much research he must have done whilst putting the book together, with the bonus of that world class interview with you also in the book. This is a world class study that celebrates your literary contributions and more.

We are still awe-struck over the book, BOLAJI IN HIS POMP …then within the last couple of weeks two more books have been published - both written by you! At first I thought it was a joke (as you normally bring out one new book a year) but I have seen that these new books are a reality. Tebogo in the thick of things (2013) has been published by Mbali Press.

By the way, I think it is wonderful and positive when publishers are not afraid to bring out new books. I once read that African publishers would advise our writers to wait till like “next year” even if manuscripts written by the same author are outstanding. If some Eurocentric authors can bring out up to 6 new books (same author) out in one year, why can’t this be the same for African writers? Hence I am very happy that apart from Tebogo in the thick of things, Mbali Press has also just released your COLLECTED POEMS (2013) almost at the same time.

And lest I forget still this same year, Charmaine Kolwane, the hard-working intelligent young lady also published a book study on you called: Omoseye Bolaji: Channelling one’s thoughts onto paper. I love the way she analysed the last three or four of your “Tebogo Mystery books” It was my pleasure to finally chat with her (Mme Charmaine) at one major library a few weeks ago.

Allow me to say hearty congratulations Ntate Bolaji! I have no doubt in my mind that whatever happens to you in the future, you will always remember 2013 as an extraordinary year as regards book publication!

(P.S: I still haven’t managed to get a copy of your new Collected Poems; can you help me?)

Ishmael Mzwandile Soqaga (Mangaung)