THE TERMAGANT

By Omoseye Bolaji

It was clear from the beginning that I had been seated beside a female
battle axe in the plane. She looked formidable and hostile. Her first
words to me as I told her I was supposed to sit beside her were:

 "Just make sure you do not disturb my bags up in the compartment
upstairs. Put that bag of yours in a reasonable space!" She was
haughty and pugnacious from the outset.

And no sooner was I seated beside her than she began to complain about the charming air
hostesses. "These girls, women are not good. They are bad!" In my
innocence, being a mere male I had assumed that the hostesses were the
epitome of beauty, grace and good manners. But tell that to my
companion here! the virago on my left!

Then something now happened that sent something of a chill down my
spine. One of the hostesses to our left slipped and fell slightly. And
my companion muttered distinctly: "Let her goddamn leg break
completely!". 

I winced. What type of monster was I saddled with
during this flight? Now she was complaining about "immorality and bad
behaviours these days" They (i.e hostesses) must bring the food etc..."

Suddenly a thought struck me and I felt like crying. Always during
such trips I would enjoy lots of beer...but it was clear that with
this termagant beside me, she would not tolerate such things. Oh my!

Yes it was my privilege to order liquor if I so wished, I owed her
nothing etc; but these were theories. In reality I knew I could not,
with my shy nature, order any beers with this battle axe beside me.
What a dreary flight this would be.

Soon enough the pertinent hostess came to us and said to the lady beside me: "Do you care for a
drink ma'am? We have assorted soft drinks, even wine," I turned away
to hide my frustration and anguish.

The tough female passenger beside me replied: "These your wine bottles are too small...so give me TWO bottles of wine..."

Suke! I was now shaking with relief and excitement! The virago had nothing against alcohol! I grinned broadly as the hostess said to me: "And you sir...do you want some wine, or beer; or
both?"

"BOTH please!" I said, almost crying with relief. "I can start with two beers, and a bottle of wine!!"

Oh beer! I now fully realised what our great Wole Soyinka meant when he wrote about beer
being "transfigured" to exalted heights in his memoirs, You must set forth at dawn. This was after Soyinka after a horrific trip across the border (running away from Abacha regime) wanted a beer at all costs
and somewhat miraculously got it!

My companion and I both enjoyed our drinks….

THE REPROBATE

By Omoseye Bolaji

It seems I have been spending my whole life in diverse hotels for the last two weeks ago. Hotels in Bloemfontein, Johannesburg, Kempton Park, Ethiopia - and (we ll come to that a bit later on(

One of the hotels in Gauteng (we need not mention it( is etched in my mind because I met a certain Gentleman there that in my mind I dubbed a reprobate. Around 5 - 6 in the evening he would sit with me in front of the Guest House and start spewing out obscenities and embarrassing stuff, beers in tow

Terrible hotel we are in here, he would start. I always pity the female staff here. This place is Sodom and Gomorrah as it were; no wonder there is so much aids around , men and women just drive in everytime and do their thing; i like peeping inside the waste basket that side; full of used condoms, dirt pads and so many disgusting things. How do you sleep at nights? Aren t you disturbed with all the sounds of love-making going on?

No, I lied. So many good time girls around, the reprobate went on. Dozens of useless girls, though many of them are quite pretty. They frequent the rooms here lookingt for men to sleep with them. Black, coloured, white girls....if you are interested...

I winced....even in my hotel *Top Ten* later on in Addis Abba, Ethiopia I shuddered at some of these memories, the tang of the Ethiopian soap on my skin. I hoped I had had enough of hotels. Now for Lagos, Nigeria where I would bask amidst people at grassroots level. Eniyan laso mi as they say.

Then I got a message from my host in Lagos. He seemed to be excited. You know I know you have been stressed the last few weeks or so hence I have a treat for you, the message said. Once you get to Lagos I am putting you up in a hotel...

Oh no! Not a hotel again....

THE HAPLESS LADY

By Omoseye Bolaji

I entered the house through the new passage way on the left. Yes it had been quite a while since I was last here! Some four years ago. Life moves on

Yet it was a family I had a lot of respect for; comprising three matriarchs in their late 60s, and their offspring including the nieces - like Didi; who I now noticed was sitting down at a sort of dining table, a disconcerting, jarring expression on her face while the matriarchs beamed at me.

I moved closer to Didi, a bit bewildered at her haunted, languid face, and the way her right hand seemed lifeless.

"Seems Didi does not know me again," I tried to joke. Unsuccessfully. Now I noticed she was  using crutches. What was this?

"Oh" I said. "I'm sorry. Seems you have been in an accident," It was patent to me now that her right hand was largely useless.

Didi at last spoke now, and I soon realised that mentally at least she was as sharp as ever. "Not an accident, Bolaji," she said slowly and strangely. "I have had a stroke, paralysing some of my body parts".

I winced. I was so shocked that I found myself bursting out rather crazily: "How the hell can you have a stroke at 40 when your mother, your aunts (the three matriarchs referred to earlier) are as strong and active as oxes -".

"You know our Didi stresses too much" two of the matriarchs said now. "It is very sad indeed,".      

"I want to talk to Bolaji alone; explain things to him," Didi said, in effect dismissing the matriarchs.

 Alone, she now told me why and how she had become so stressed, worried about a particular debt she had, and how the creditor had hounded her till the stroke was precipitated. I was horrified to learn that the money she owed was not even up to a thousand rand! And she had suffered a stroke! Amother of two kids!

My mind went back to many years ago when I had been new in this area in South Africa; Didi personally organising, giving me things like curtains and some kitchenware for the first place where I had stayed…

But now she was saying; "If you can help me beg the Creditor...I will give you his contact details. Beg him for me, tell him I have been very sick, I lost my job...I can t pay him now...pls beg him for me..."

My voice hardened. "I am certainly NOT going to do that," I said; she looked disappointed, hurt.  

Then I said: "You see we must remove the root of your stress, the debt. So the only help I can give you is give you the money to pay that accursed creditor. So I am gonna give you the money, or most of it in cash,"

She stared at me, incredulous. "No, but - I know you are not rich -"

"Don't worry about that. The important thing is for you to pay the guy, start getting better fast for the sake of your kids...and that's an order. I am giving you the money in return for you to recover quickly!!".

I gave her in cash most of the money she owed the "creditor". As tears came to her eyes, I looked away, feeling bad at the cruel vicissitudes of life...

GLORIOUS EAGLETS POISED TO CELEBRATE AGAIN

By OMOSEYE BOLAJI

Tens of millions of Africans, especially Nigerians have been celebrating as the Under 17 national football team, the Eaglets have taken the world by storm during the current Under 17 World Cup finals; this week the Eaglets swept into the very final with panache, swatting aside an adept Swedish team in the semi finals 3-0.

Cue widespread celebrations all over the nation; the young ones have indeed been doing the country and Africa proud and are poised to meet Mexico in the final – with the Eaglets definitely favourites to win – a victory in the very final, and unbridled joy would sweep through the country….

Yet a very large part of the footballing world would be forgiven to think what the fuss is all about. It might seem shocking to realize that even among ardent football followers most of them just do not care about the under 17 World Cup; most of the excitement alas is concentrated in Nigeria! Certainly in South Africa hardly any of the teeming football lovers are aware of the current feats of the Eaglets.

Yes, this would surprise many especially Nigerians who for decades have always loved the exploits of the Eaglets who (before this current final) had won this particular World Cup at least three times. Those of us who are “old codgers” remember all too well the incredible glee in 1985 when Nigeria won the maiden edition of the international competition. The likes of Nduka Ugbade (then peerless Captain of the team) became legends (see pix above). Extraordinary laurels were bestowed on the victorious kids at the time.

It was more or less the same in 1993 when the then Eaglets, inspired by the gangling Kanu Nwankwo brilliantly won the Under 17 Cup again. Great happiness swept the land, and Nwankwo in particular at least went onto have a wonderful career as a brilliant footballer all over the world. For decades Nigerians have always followed the progress of its Under 17 and Under 20 or even 21 squads. It is still the same….

Yet the western world considers such tournaments as very small beer indeed, hardly even bothering to send decent squads to such events. The parent clubs often frown at the idea of their key players starring at such tournaments and look for excuses for such starlets to withdraw – in the end a second string squad would “grace” such tournaments, a team barely recognizable to pertinent  football followers!

Why are these “big” footballing nations sceptical of such global tournaments for the kids; why would they not relish the opportunities for their starlets to garner even more exposure? Suffice it to say that these exalted clubs care only about themselves really, and do not want the possibility of such players being injured…and of course apart from the lofty national football leagues in countries like Germany, Spain, England, Italy, there is also a lot of concentration on the European Champions League for clubs; hence the tournaments for the youngsters become something of a nuisance and irritation on such shores.

In fairness to South America, they often take the age-competitions quite seriously, and it is no surprise that the world is soon alerted to extraordinary talents from Brazil, Argentina, Colombia, Uruguay etc thanks to the Under 20, or Under 17 tournaments. Argentina for example showcased the skills of Diego Maradona, Lionel Messi, Sergio Aguerro from such early age grade competitions. In Africa this is also often the case; especially in Ghana which is famous for unearthing and encouraging talented kids from a very young age. The 6-1 thrashing of Egypt (by the Ghana national team) in the latest World Cup qualifiers is recent proof that the Ghanaians certainly have their eye on the ball as it were.

As Africans we can state that we believe unequivocally in the efficacy of tournaments like the Under 17 and the under 20 World Cup finals. More than that, we relish and bask at such occasions. Nigeria, Ghana, Cameroon etc have traditionally done well at such events. And right now Nigeria is expected to win the latest edition of the under 17 World Cup final this Friday. The boys have been doing very well with their cascade of fine football garnished with a plethora of goals. We wish them all the best as they face Mexico in the final…